They say you never really know a person until you live with them.
I’ve been living with Dan for three months now and before we moved in I would have said that’s ridiculous. We’ve been together over two years now, and we both know exactly what we’re getting into. Turns out I was wrong and you actually don’t know what its like living with someone until you actually do it. This isn’t the first time I’ve lived with a boyfriend. I lived with an ex at uni, but that was a totally different situation. We were uni students and in a house share so we had different rooms and lived with other people. (Side note,: I really would not recommend living in a house share with a partner. It doesn’t work for anyone involved). So really this was a totally new experience for both of us.
- I’m not as tidy as I think I am: I like things to be clean and hygienic, but apparently I’m messy because I leave things around. My thinking is, well I’ll leave my paints/ make up/ whatever I’m using at the time out because I’ll be using the again shortly. Nope. If I leave it out he moves it then I can’t find it. It’s like a passive aggressive treasure hunt all the time. So I’ve now learnt my lesson, if I want to find my things again I have to put them away, because they get moved to a new home, which ends up a mystery because Dan can never remember where he put them (I’m sure he’s on some kind of auto mode when he does this). I’ve tried to pass it off as “creative people are always more messy” but he’s not buying it.
- Choosing décor is a pain!: Something else I thought would be easy. Turns out that boys can be pretty fussy when it comes to décor, who knew? I’ve learnt now the easiest way is to just order things as a “surprise”. Because nobody can turn down a surprise wardrobe that they said they didn’t like right? (FYI turns out he actually does like it in person)
- Every household cost isn’t split down the middle: I always thought that moving in with someone meant you’d split everything, which isn’t really the case. It’s more like, cool you bought a wardrobe, well I’ll pay the TV license then or since you’ve done the big shop I’ll buy drinks when we go to the pub. Turns out I actually prefer it that way, it would get tiring constantly owing each other money.
- I’m more domesticated the I thought I was: We’ve both kind of naturally fallen into certain housework roles. I get home from work first so I’ll do a shop, make tea, do any pots that need to be done, put a wash on etc. Then he does other stuff round the house when he gets home. Turns out I’m actually wife material and I didn’t even know.
- There’s no pressure: Before when we used to see each other for a few days at a time, it kind of felt like we always had to be out and about doing stuff as we didn’t see each other much. Now because we see each other everyday, it’s like that pressures being taken off a little and everything’s more chilled.
- We bicker more: Possibly breaking the social media rule here by admitting that my relationship isn’t perfect, but it’s true. Now we live together we bicker more. Not massive arguments, generally just snippy comments every now and again about how my make ups being left out or how he hasn’t locked the door (I’m a big believe in locking doors when you’re in the house). But the best part about living together is your literally over those disagreements within five minutes because you don’t have time to sit around stewing or you can ignore messages.
- Our WhatsApp conversation has deteriorated: We never send messages anymore other then “Do we have milk” or “I’ll be home a bit later tonight”. That is literally it, and it makes me feel super old.
- There are no boundaries anymore: Literally non at all, and weirdly I quite like that.
- It’s nice to have somebody there for you all the time: A few weeks ago I had the shittiest day. Stuff had happened, I was sad, anxious and generally fed up with life. Dan came home, I cried on his shoulder for a bit, talked about it and then he poured me wine, and I felt better. It’s nice to have somebody there to give you a hug when you’re feeling crap and look after you. It’s the little things like that which are most important to me in a relationship.
- We can be together, but separate: We can sit in a room together and he’ll be working and I’ll be reading. There’s no awkward silences, just this kind of comfortable companionship (major cringe saying that but it’s true!) He can watch whatever naff programme he wants on TV and I can come upstairs and do some work. He goes out with his friends and I get to chill by myself for the evening. We don’t have to be in each others pockets all the time.
I could list so much more then 10, but we’d be here all night! Not going to lie, moving in together has been stressful at times, and its been a real eye opener, but it’s the best thing we ever did. I find some of his little “quirks” annoying (PLEASE STOP MOVING MY STUFF) and he finds me irritating at times. Despite all this thought, having him around all the time, is actually quite nice.
Let me know if any of you have moved in, or are thinking of moving in with a partner and what your thoughts are.