I haven’t done one of these kind of posts in so long, so I thought it was time for a bit of a rant.
I read an article on online the other day, about how couples who post lovey dovey posts all over social media, actually tend to be more insecure in their relationships and how the couple in question probably don’t actually like each other that much. You can read the article here
I actually had a conversation about this with Dan the other day. We don’t really tend to post much stuff about “us” on social media, apart from the odd Instagram post every now and again. We never really made the choice not to broadcast our relationship all over social media, we just don’t really feel we need to. Plus I’m pretty sure nobody actually cares what we are up to, or how much I love him, or our “couple milestones”.
Over sharing on social media is normal these days, but everybody filters it. They want to come across like they’re living their “best life” so its easy to look at people and think that they’re doing so much better than you, or that their relationship looks so much happier than yours etc. When the reality is, it’s probably not, that’s just what they want to portray to the world. I think it’s really sad that as a society we’ve got to that stage where things don’t mean anything unless they get loads of likes on social media.
So, those couples who are constantly posting loved up statuses and pictures, going on about how much they love their partner, how lucky they are, all the stuff they’re doing. The article says they probably feel super insecure about their relationship, and that’s why they feel the need to make it so visible and justify it to the world. And don’t even get me started on the hashtags (#soblessed #couplegoals #myman – my man? possessive much?) What I find even sadder though, is seeing people posting all of this, and knowing that actually behind closed doors their partner doesn’t treat them with much respect. Or when you see that stuff on social media and it’s so painfully one-sided, I always find that such a shame when one persons declaring their undying love, and the other is silent.
The psychology behind this is really interesting, and it makes a lot of sense. If you were really that in love with your partner, why wouldn’t you just tell them? Why do you need to put it on Facebook and tell the world? Why not just live in the moment? What do you need to prove to everyone really?
I totally agree with the article, because I’ve been there myself. Early 20’s, unhappy relationship, having a totally shit time, so what did I do? I posted Facebook updates about how great things were, how in love “we” were, all the cool things we did together. Basically tried to make out things were perfect, and also subtly warn other girls off. I never used the hashtag my man though, this was before hashtags were cool. It was kind of sad on my part though, and looking back it must have been so transparent to everybody around me. Actually cringing at my past self right now.
I think social media also puts a lot of pressure on relationships. It seems to be an endless stream of who’s bought who an expensive gift or who’s made the most romantic gesture on Instagram. If you’re already not feeling good about your relationship, I guess this would probably make you feel like your relationship isn’t up to scratch, or make you question why your partner doesn’t do those things for you. The images that social media portrays as “essential” in a relationship, can make you forget what actually is important.
One of the most romantic things Dan has ever done for me, doesn’t involved a declaration of love via Facebook (I’d actually kill him if he ever did that and die of shame), or buying me a Pandora bracelet/ expensive watch/ roses/ whatever is the “in” thing these days (delete as appropriate). This weekend we found my nana’s bike in the shed, and he fixed it for me so I could use it. It might not sound a big deal really, but I was really close to my nana. She always used to ride this bike, and it’s what I associate with her whenever I think of her. It’s been locked away in the shed for 10 years forgotten about, so the fact that he took the time to fix it, so I could use it and have something of hers, really meant a lot to me. It actually made me a bit emotional believe it or not.
It’s those little things we should be appreciating, not just the things we can “Instagram” or share on Facebook. Because really what are we trying to prove to everyone? Why do we need everybody on our friends list to see this?
I’m curious to hear people opinions on this. Obviously I’m just going off of my experiences, but I think if you’re really happy wouldn’t you just be living in the moment? Or is it just our culture now to document everything? Am I being too harsh? Or do you guys agree? Do check the article out though if you have a minute it’s really interesting! Also I had the best time finding memes for this blog post.