A relationship post for you today,
A few weeks ago it was mine and Dan’s two year “anniversary” (I use that word loosely- we’re not married). We spent a few days in a Scotland to celebrate, and in the car on the way back, I started thinking about all the things I’ve learnt, in the ten years Iv’e been “dating”, about relationships (I was 16 when I met my first boyfriend) and thought it would make a pretty cool blog post. Obviously I’m only talking about my personal experiences here, I’m not speaking for everyone, 🙂
- Its important to laugh: Literally, laughter is the best medicine, its important to be silly and have fun with somebody. It’s great to find somebody who you can be a little bit immature with.
- It’s nice to be part of a team: Whether it’s putting up Ikea furniture together, cooking together, or bossing the housework. It’s nice to have someone who’s got your back #teamwork
- Don’t be too proud to apologise : I literally used to be the most stubborn person in the world. It was my way or no way, and I would never apologise even if I needed to. This wasn’t because I was a spoilt brat, I was just so insecure that a felt like I needed to argue and make a point that I wasn’t a push over (even though I totally was). Now I’m in a relationship where I don’t feel like I need to prove myself all the time, it’s easy to say sorry and I realise its just so not worth spending hours sulking over silly things.
- Don’t bring up old arguments : I used to be the worst for this, holding grudges for things that had happened months earlier and bringing them up again. You really do need to forgive and forget, otherwise you just keep going round in circles.
- Never stop communicating : Talk about everything, the future, plans, dreams, goals, things that are getting you down or just have a good old gossip. Ask how their day has been, tell them about yours. For me this is one of the most important things in a relationship and my favourite thing about Dan, we can talk about anything and its totally comfortable, there are no subjects that are off limits.
- Honesty is important: If something about the relationship is bothering you, tell your partner. Don’t bottle it all up until you have a screaming row and say things you might regret.
- It’s not your fault if they cheat on you: I was cheated on (not by Dan obviously). I wasn’t cheated on physically (as far as I’m aware) but I found countless messages to other girls, pretty x-rated ones, and pictures too. The response I got when confronted that person was “you shouldn’t have looked through my phone” I spent years being so insecure thinking that is was somehow my fault and I’d not tried hard enough, or I wasn’t pretty enough, and what was wrong with me? The answer absolutely nothing was wrong with me, I wasn’t responsible for someone else’s actions, and neither are you.
- If they cheat with you, they’ll probably cheat on you : Speaking of cheating still, if somebody is willing to cheat with you, when you’re together they’re probably going to cheat on you too. That sounds really harsh but in my experience I’ve found it to be true. Boy messages other girls, then has a relationship with other girl, then sends messages to ex. Can you really start out a relationship which came from a lie, without becoming paranoid and insecure about whether or not they’d do the same thing to you? Personally I couldn’t.
- Trust : It’s an old cliché but it’s so important. If you don’t trust your partner, you can’t have a happy relationship. I can hand on heart say the only reason I’ve gone on Dan’s phone is to set alarms for him to make me a cuppa (I find this highly amusing, he doesn’t) You’re both entitled to a private life, there’s no need to check each others phones or social media. Personally I’m not really arsed about seeing his group chats about football or whatever it is boys like to talk about.
- A relationship can make or break you: Your partner should make you confident, they should support you, encourage you, listen to you and make you feel like you can do anything you want. They should make you a better person. A toxic relationship will break you. Your partner shouldn’t make you feel insecure, like you’re worthless, and like your constantly doing something wrong.
- Time apart is important : Don’t get me wrong I love my boyfriend, but I also love it when he buggers off sometimes and I can chill and read my book, blog and watch some trashy TV. I love spending time with him, but I also love time by myself and seeing my friends. You don’t need to joined at the hip, and spending time apart makes you appreciate the time you spend with them
- It’s the little things : Big romantic gestures that cost fuck loads of money might seem pretty cool, and give you bragging rights on Facebook but its the little things that matter. For me the most romantic thing is getting a cuppa made for me in the morning (I’m easily pleased). It’s them being there for you when you need it. A few weeks ago something pretty awful happened to me, and I called Dan. He drove an hour (on a week night) to come and see me and didn’t leave until late that night, just because I needed him and I was a wreck to be honest. That might not seem a lot to some people, but to me it meant the world to have someone there for me when I needed it the most. Value the little things
- You get really comfortable and that’s ok: You stop wearing make up, stop bothering with your hair, and have no issues in stomping around in your pj’s shoving food in your mouth. Or is that just me?
- It’s ok to argue : Nobody relationship is perfect and everyone has arguments. It means your comfortable enough around each other. It’s when arguments get out of hand or happened every day there’s an issue.
- If a relationship makes you sad more then it makes you happy it’s time to leave: If you can’t remember the last time you laughed together, or made you happy, is it really worth it?
- You don’t need to post your relationship all over social media for it to mean something: I do post pictures of me and Dan on Instagram sometimes, but massive I love you essays and pictures of us kissing? No thanks. In a world where literally everything is shared online, it’s nice to keep somethings private., you don’t need to declare it to the world.
- Don’t jump into things too quickly: I got together with my first boyfriend when I was 16, we were together until I went to uni (so two years), then I got with my next boyfriend pretty much straight away and we were together for 4 years. Looking back I wish I’d not rushed into anything and just had some time to myself to enjoy the uni experience.After that I was single for a year and it was amazing. It was so nice to just spend time by myself, doing things for me and the time on my own did me the world of good. When I met Dan I was ready to be with somebody else, we had a few dates and then ended up together, by that time I’d figured out what I wanted in life, and I was comfortable with myself.
That’s today’s little rambling, I could post so much more but I’d be here forever and this would be thousands of words long. Let me know what you’ve learnt from your relationships. What advice would you give to other people?