A bit of a chatty one for you today
I wanted to do a chatty/ lifestyle topic today since I’ve not done one in ages since I wasn’t sure what to write. This topic was suggested by my friend so I thought I’d have a little ramble about my thoughts and experiences.
It’s an age old question with no clear answer. I remember when I was teenager (many moons ago!) I always said that if anybody ever cheated on me they’d get no second chance, I’d dump them etc. All this was said with a sassy attitude with one hand on my hip of course.
But life rarely works out like that, love complicates things and all the lines and boundaries get blurred and situations get manipulated and it all ends up one big mess of hurt and upset etc.
So the question is can a relationship ever survive it, and why do we stay with our partners when they have cheated on us? Firstly I think the lines on cheating are so blurred its hard to say. Personally I would say anything physical is a no go (as Jeremy Kyle would say “anything from a kiss to intercourse”) this is a pretty easy boundary. But the “emotional cheating” is much harder to define, and with all of our messaging systems and smart phones its pretty easy to do this and be sneaky with it. Messages can be deleted and passwords can be put on phones.
In my opinion emotional cheating is sending loving messages to other people, intimate pictures, asking them for pictures etc. Anything somebody feels the need to delete so their partner doesn’t see, is probably cheating. Obviously peoples opinions may differ to mine, but in my experience the “emotional cheating” is so much harder to get over it and deal with.
Can relationships survive it? I don’t think so. This may sound like a really blunt answer but I think once the trust is gone then all you have is a relationship in the state of anxiety, which isn’t really the point of having one. You go through insecurity, suspicion every time their phone bleeps or they go out, and start torturing yourself over it, you argue over it and the whole cycle begins again. So why do people still stay with their partners when they’ve cheated?
I think one big thing in this is manipulation. You may be manipulated with apologies, assurances it will never happen again, it didn’t mean anything. You might be manipulated into thinking it was the other persons fault that they “came on to them” or whatever (It rarely is, don’t make a tit or yourself by mouthing off at another person, been there, done that, still ashamed) Or the absolute worst you might be manipulated into blaming yourself, “you shouldn’t have looked at my phone” or “well if you’d have done XYZ then I wouldn’t have done it”. People who do this are absolute pondlife, get rid ASAP.
Another issue is insecurity. What will happen when you leave them? What will people say? What will they do? It doesn’t matter! Don’t ever stay in a relationship because of insecurity, it will make you miserable. Remember you have nothing to prove to anybody else.
Another factor could be living arrangements or children. This could make it especially difficult to leave somebody who’s cheated on you, due to fear of changing circumstances, which may make you more inclined to give it another try. This is so understandable and kind of sad. I really feel for anybody who has to make that choice.
For anybody who is with somebody who has cheated on them, or has been cheated on. Realise it isn’t your fault and realise you deserve better. If you’re not happy or you feel any of these things then leave. Never hold your life back for somebody who doesn’t deserve it.
I realise I may have been very blunt on this post and each individuals circumstances won’t be as black and white as I’m making out, but this is just a ramble post on my thoughts on the subject. As always feel free to share your own opinions, thoughts and experiences I’d love to hear them 🙂