This is a post I’ve been toying with for a while, but wasn’t sure whether or not to post it because obviously it might cause a little controversy and perhaps offend people. But I recently watched a video on YouTube from a girl I follow on there, and she told a story about how a girls boyfriend had been cheating on the girl with her (she had no idea he had a girlfriend) and in the end, the guy was forgiven and it was her who got months of abuse and eventually assaulted because of this, despite her not knowing anything about him being with this girl. The video is here if anybody would like to watch it.
So quite simply, why do women hate other women when it comes to men, specifically relationships? Now I am aware that this doesn’t apply to everybody I’m just talking about my experience. I’ve been there on both sides I’ve been the jealous girl friend who’s made a fool of themselves (thankfully those days and that relationship are over) and I’ve been on the receiving end of said girlfriend.
What got me thinking about this was the video I watched and a situation I found myself in a few months ago, when I realised that an ex boyfriend who had been sending me inappropriate messages had had a girlfriend for the entire year he’d been doing it. Ironically this was a girl that he’d been sending inappropriate messages to while we had been together (one of many). However I had met up with this girl and to her credit she’d apologised. (You can read more on that situation here and the general relationship here if you’d like some background information)
So it took me a while to decide what to do, obviously leaving it would mean no drama but that really didn’t sit well with me, I’ve been through that several times and it was humiliating to find out the way I did. So eventually I’d decided that I was going to say something and take whatever shit came with it. At least that meant I never had to be involved again and I could say I’d done the “right” thing. In a way it was a totally selfish decision I’m not going to lie, I did it for my peace of mind and I felt like I owed this girl it, as she was big enough to meet me, explain and apologise, which can’t have been an easy thing to do. I’m not going to screenshot the message I sent as it’s personal, but basically I told her what he’d been doing, that I’d not reciprocated it and the reasons why I felt I had to tell her. I was as kind as I could be.
This never got a reply, which is totally fine. But then the penny dropped that I was probably the one who was blamed in this situation and she probably had the issue with me. Which makes me think why? I’m not the one cheating and I’m not the one in a relationship with her. She doesn’t know me bar one meeting and that was perfectly polite, the only thing she knows about me is that I’m his ex girlfriend. And there I’m guessing lies the problem. I’m the ex girlfriend, I’ll have been talked about probably not in a flattering way and she will have an idea of me in her head as some horrible bitch who wants to ruin her relationship and who did everything wrong in my previous relationship, a girl who is a crazy psycho blah blah blah. He will have blamed me and said I was lying or whatever and she will have believe him. It’s understandable in a way, but it is unfair I’m more then likely being judged on another persons opinion of me and mistakes I had made years ago in a previous relationship which have probably been blown out of proportion.
But in all honesty in my previous relationship I’ve done the same thing. I remember once I just totally snapped and messaged one of the many girls I’d caught him sending explicit messages to, and I was quite horrible. Turns out this girl had no idea I was with him, it was him who instigated it and she sent me the screenshots proving this. So obviously I felt like the worlds biggest idiot , so I messaged and apologised. Turns out she was pretty cool about it and we had a civil conversation about it. But I’ll still cringe about that forever.
Even though before I messaged her, I kind of knew it was his fault but I still got so angry with this random girl, which was totally unreasonable. The reason? It’s easier to tell yourself that some random girl wants to cause trouble, then it is to believe that somebody you love and trust could do that to you. And personally I think that’s the reason most girls react like that, rather than kick off at their partner. But it turns out this girl was pretty cool, and didn’t deserve the way I’d kicked off at her at all.
I’ve also had an experience where a man was trying to play me and another girl off against each other. I’d learnt from my mistake that time and actually spoke to the girl. Turns out everything that he’d told me about her wasn’t true, and I’ve actually made a really good friend out of that situation.
In my experience, it turns out that its more then likely it’s not the other girls fault, obviously if they knew that you were with them etc, it’s not cool but it’s still not their responsibility (unless its a friend then just get the both of them out your life). Your partner is the one who is with you, and who chose to be committed to you. If they cheat its their fault. Nobody else’s, and kicking off at other girls will only make you look a fool, and more then likely you’ll do what I did and cringe about it years after.
We should talk to each other more, and instead of being angry at each other, we should be angry at the person who played us, and not be treated like mugs. I hope you guys enjoyed this little ramble, it was something I fancied chatting about for a while, and a topic me and my friends are always trying to find an answer to during wine time. I’d love to hear if anybody has had any similar experiences or just your thought in general 🙂